El pétalo francés

My ride left me at the airport right before departure and I called my father to let him know I was about to board. He seemed surprised. He forgot my trip to Spain was today and apologized – he had been a bit off since the crash that morning. The car is his most precious item and he was really upset. 

I’d hugged him the day before as goodbye and wished he hadn’t forgotten that. I tend to feel a bit nostalgic before flights. I get a bit scared and introspective and want to make sure all the good byes are said. 

The flight was acceptable, but I couldn’t believe the nerves of the passenger sitting next to me. How does someone with the window seat dares to spend the whole flight sleeping!? There’s no better view than a cloudy blue sky and that asshole was laying there with his eyes covered. And there I was, dummy Filipe, unapologetically adjusting my position to catch a glimpse of the view outside.

My mom was also a bit worried. She had no idea who I was going to meet or where I was going to stay. But I couldn’t rest her soul since I didn’t know much as well. I’ve had only met with the directors twice during zoom calls and it had been six months since the last one. We’ve been texting for the last couple of days, but I knew nothing besides their names and that they seemed like nice people. I didn’t even really understand why they wanted to meet three months prior the actual shootings. They probably wanted to make sure I was the right guy to play the lead role – só I was basically going to Valencia to get fired.

As soon as landed I texted David Luis, the 29 years old director, saying I had just arrived. He replied that his father, Luis Pérez, would be the one to pick me up. I texted Luis and asked how could I recognize him. He replied with: “Don’t worry, you will. I am the most handsome blue shirted guy in the crowd”.

And that was my first interaction with this amazing man and a peek of the type of light-hearted people they all were. 

He waved at me with a big smile and we shooke hands. The conversation suddently switch to español y todo era tan fluido que parecía que ya nos conocíamos. Él me preguntó de dónde venía mi español y si alguna vez había tenido clases. Le dije que no y, avergonzado, confesé que tuve una relación con una chica de Madrid y aprendí así. 

Luis drives a convertible blue Audi with a customized belgium license plate – “Luis-7”, his favourite number. I had never been in a convertible before and I felt like a total kid. I will never forget those long rides in the sunny landscapes and streets.

We were the first ones to get to th house, so we took the free time to buy some groceries. We walked the friendly neighbourhood and the air was fresh and clean. Luis’ face mask only had one lace so he had to hold it tight with one hand while trying to shop with the other – men can’t multitask myth busted.

Later I finally got to meet David Luis and the other actor, Joaquín Caserza. They had both came from the train station. Joaquín was born en Barcelona e fue portero profesional en Grecia, Italia y Brasil; ahora actúa en Madrid. He’s also tall as fuck. I actually came to realize I was the shortest; my inner macho was hurt.

I am a physical person and I must feel like my body is in tune with the role I’m playing. So in order to feel right in character these couple of days, I quit lifting and ran everyday. I felt weaker, lighter and leaner and that changed the way I walked, sit, stand, and moved. I even got more sensitive to the cold.

We did a little Tarot game to get to know each other better and then we met Ana Alejos, the other director. I had been warned she was having some family issues so I expected to meet a sad quiet woman. But oh boy was I wrong – Ana knew how to make an entrance. As soon as she walked the door the whole room got filled with energy and the walls shook. Y se veía tan guapa and fashionable! Hablaba predominantemente en español, así que tuve que cambiar mi cerebro de nuevo. 

I confessed to a girl on the flight back that I was having an existencial crisis because I had no idea in which language I should address people. 

I kept asking: Que significa carretera? Dice “mucho mejor” o “muy mejor”? “Baño” o “lavabos”? “Despacio” o “rápido”? “Chulo” o “guay”? They also spoke french; even though I love the sound of it, I don’t understand shit. 

“Me encanta tanto el frances!”, dice, “I feel like you could be talking about a bunch of crap and it still sounds beautiful”. 

“I don’t think so”, Luis said, “If we talked about feces it wouldn’t sound attractive at all”. 

“You wanna bet?”, and then I chanted “Uuuuuh, la merde… uh lah lah”.

But now back to Ana.

Ana tiene un camino de vida increíble. Abogada, modelo, actriz, apasionada de la ropa y literatura y una estupenda entrenadora de actuación. Me fascinó escucharla. 

In fact, they are all such interesting people. Apparently David Luis was a physics geek, a total academic genious. He lived and worked in Rome and London and quit everything to pursue filmmaking. Luiz Perez lives in between Luxemburg and Spain and aside from his important consulting job, he’s a life coach. Joaquín teaches marketing for actors. I also got to meet a friend of DL, Carles Tarrassó Oliver, who is an award-winning chef who makes incredible aesthetic dishes. 

Luis and Ana are married for some time now and I couldn’t stop admire the way they treat each other. It feels special, it feels young. Luis es tan jovial. It’s the way they hold hands, the way they do hoouse tasks together. They’re cute, I felt drawn to it. 

I am now remembering this moment when we were waiting for the greenlight in the middle of the road. Ana was right in front of us in a different car and Luis Perez looked at me and whispered “I am going to scare them”. And then, this 50 year old man gets out of the car, runs towards her and just screams. And then he just laughs as a kid! 

I am scared not of getting old, but of feeling old and I find it extraordinary to get along with people who didn’t let age conquer their souls.

We had dinner at 11pm and I couldn’t figure out how time have passed to quickly. But what a meal it was. The schrimp curry with rice and toasted pita bread was a real gem. Luis’s such an amazing cooker and the meals I ate during my stay were heavenly. Ana and Luis both cook with so much tender. You can taste the care in all the seasonings and little twinkies. They also dance around the kitchen when cooking together.

We spent the rest of the evening in blankets in front of the fireplace. The tea was hot and I really enjoyed the conversation. And I could now understand why they wanted us to meet. We needed these rehearsals, we needed this conversations. We discussed the subtext, the meaning of it all and the way each of us works. And Joaquín and I had to bond – Ana seguía diciendo que no quería que fingiéramos nada so we kept doing this Meisner repetition exercises and other techniques she had studied. It all made me feel so vulnerable, so naked. Pero Ana fue perfecta dirigiéndonos y dándonos palabras clave. Aprendí mucho con ella. 

I remember the first breakfast we had. The table was beautifully settled. Orange juice, coffe, ham, cheese, cereals, bread, butter, greek yoghurt and raisins. 

Ana me preguntó si quería café o descafeinado y le dije que me da igual. The whole room stopped all of a sudden and stared – I could heard a fly pass by. 

“What’s wrong?”, I asked.

“Es que aquí nosotros nunca decimos eso”, they joked. “No te puede dar igual”.

Apparently it’s an inside joke; “Ana es la reina de me da igual pero nunca le da igual!; por eso dime: quieres café o descafé?”. 

Pero en verdad me daba igual, I just drink it for the taste.

I usually skip breakfast, but there was no way I was going to do that here. I had a big bowl of cereals and coffee – yes, I poured coffee instead milk – and Joaquín y Ana spread olive oil on a toast and added pink salt on top of it – apparently it “es muy healthy”. 

I trued it and madre mia, it tasted good!

I took pictures of everything. The rooms, forniture, the traffic signs, the moon, the meals, the buildings, monuments and stones I collected from the beach. 

There was also this really interesting building called La Estretcha, which is the narrowest appartment of Europe. A man came out the door and opened his arms so we could get a notion of how thin it was. People took pictures and cheered. 

During a night rehearsal, they wanted to have a few shots of me wandering some avenues and I felt só free I decided to sit on a bench and engage in a conversation with an old sweet asian lady. 

It was interesting at firstm but then she wouldn’t shush. I got really bored but couldn’t simply leave her because that would’ve been rude. 

So I suddently stood up to walk away and she looked at me in shock and distress: “What? Am I molesting you?”

“Molesting me?! No, no, no, of course not!”

“Then why are you leaving?” 

“I am leaving because I have to…”

“Oh, so I am molesting you, you’re the one who engaged first you know!”

I felt terrible and kept apologizing só Ana simply grabed my arm, said a few words and pulled me away.

I needed to test negative for covid in order to go back to Portugal the next day, so DL  arranged an appointment – but it was late, we had lost track of time and the lab was about to close. 

He grabbed me by the arm and I sensed urgency in his voice “Filipe, come with me. Quick”. He turns around and walks. Fast. And all of a sudden he starts running. Oh, okay, I guess we’re running now! And that guy knew how to run.  

We rented two city bikes and he lead the way. This skinny lad is actually pretty athletic! “You are going to have a really quick tour of Valencia”, he shouted. 

We sprinted through lanes and cars and a buch of street musicians playing “Noite Feliz” on a saxophone. It turns out Noite Feliz has it’s own version depending on the country and here it’s called Noche de Paz. 

It was Christmas time and this awesome dude in front of me was giving me the time of my life. I was só grateful for it.

We made it on time and my nostril was ravished for the 26th time. We made it. I tested negative and we hugged. 

In fact, we were all constantly hugging. I’ve never given that many hugs in so few days. We hugged first thing in the morning, we hugged last thing bed, we hugged in the end of a scene. We spread so much love.

I was planning on waking up late the last day, but the urge to write got me out of the bed at 8h. It was a beautiful morning and the house was silent. I was surprisingly craving salt and went to check out the frigde. I noticed a lonely gamba – “Olha este aqui tão só. É meu”. And then I ate a few cacahuetes with a tea from “Luis Tea Time” wodden box.

I was so tired. I sat outside and noticed my sentences didn’t make any sense. My voice was a rack, my face was swollen and my hair seemed longer. 

I got back inside and explored the bookshelves. Paulo Coelho, Memorias de Churchill, Murakami, Gárcia Márquez, Freud, Osho, directing books, Samurai, Robin Sharma, Don Quijote – how nice would it be to read Cervantes en español. There was also this book titled If you hate spain, then you must be spanish. I laughed. I guess every country feels this way.

When they finally woke up. Joaquín and I decided to do a quick workout routine I usually do when I travel. In the middle of the workout, a 50 years old out of breath Luis Perez joined us. It was so much fun. And in the end? You guessed it. We hugged.

I went upstairs for a quick a shower and make my bed. I drank my 5th cup of tea and DL shouted “Félipe? We’re leaving in ten, okay?”, 

“Yes, yes, yes, I am almost ready!”. 

I joined them in the kitchen and tipped my fork on an indian dish Luis was cooking. Right before leaving I grabed a slice of bread and poured olive oil and pink salt on it – I know I’ll never do that back home.

We left Joaquín at the station and visited la Ciudad De Las Ciencias Y Las Artes de Valencia. Que bonito. Luis kept saying Valencia is the best kept secret of Spain and he may be right. 

They bought me una Orxata, which is a local drink made out of cufa (tigernut), and I loved it – I guess cufa grains is the best kept secret of Valencia. David Luis suggested I took the subway to the airport and off I went.

They say time goes faster when we’re having a good time, but I feel like I’ve lived so much this last couple of months. Words couldn’t possibly make justice to what I’ve been given. I was gifted with so many challenges, stabs and glories. People who came and went and will forever be part of me. The Universe has been kind. I feel like I’ve changed and yet I still cry when I look at the night sky. Life is a gift. And I love the person I’m becoming. I am here to serve. I am here to experience and I’m here to share. I am here to conquer, y el camino no me da igual.

In a crazy big plot-twist ending, I managed to squeeze my way into the window seat in the airplane. I was too happy with the view but, if I being honest, I slept the entire time. When I finally landed in Porto, Portugal, I called my mother, who was kind enough to pick me up.

“Hey mom, just landed”.

  “Yeah… we have a situation. We are running late"

Then I wait to listen to the captain voice on the cockpit. 

“Yeah, but I have a situation too… I guess I landed in Santiago, Spain.”

“Wait, what?”

Eight minutes before landing in Portugal, the captain decided the weren’t able to land due to the weather and we wen’t to Spain.

I had planned to go on a pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela this summer, but didn’t make it because my bike got stolen and my tent broke. I’ve been wanting to do it for years since it’s such a mystical place and, in the end, here I am – finishing the year with both my feet in Santiago. 

The airline gave us bus tickets and we waited for almost 2h for our ride. The trip took another 3h hours to Porto and then I drove 1h with my parents back to my place. I arrived home past midnight, 7h after my departure.

But during the wait I got the pleasure to meet this lovely portuguese kid. Enquanto esperavámos pela camioneta, meti conversa com uma mãe e uma avó portuguesa. E a menina de 6 anos escondida por trás dos braços da mão quase torcia o pescoço para me olhar de cima a baixo. 

Olhei de volta e sorri e adivinhei o seu nome mesmo antes de ela mo dizer. 

Filipa. 

Olá, Filipa. Eu sou o Filipe. 

She found it funny. I did too. 

A loirinha abraçou-me e ficou comigo durante o tempo de espera. Dançámos juntos e ela mostrou-me os desenhos que fez. Os olhos inundaram-se-lhe de tristeza por não se sentar ao meu lado durante a viagem, mas eu prometi-lhe que a encontrava quando chegássemos. 

No aeroporto dei-lhe um abraço de despedida gigante e ensinei-lhe que quando se abraça alguém, os corações se tocam – “Por isso dá muitos abraços, sim?”.. 

Ela sorriu e largou a minha mão. Acenámos e nunca mais a vi. ride left me at the airport one hour before boarding and I decided to call my father to let him know I was about to departure. He seemed surprised. He forgot that was the day I had my trip to Spain and apologized by saying he had been a bit off since the car crash that morning. He was fine but the car, which is one of his most special items, wasn’t that good and he was a mad. I had hugged him the day  isso dá muitos abraços, sim?”. Ela sorriu e largou a minha mão. Acenámos até não mais nos vermos.